Earlier this week I was shoveling off my driveway. I was throwing the snow in the snowbank along the driveway when I heard a weird krinkle.
I was like "that was weird"
I quickly dug into the fluffy snowbank to see what had made the noise. Was it a rat? Was it a Sun Chips bag? No, it was a a useless phone book (pictured left) magically delivered in mint condition courtesy of The Liberal to my driveway during the night before ten centimetres of snow fell. Yup, real smart, deliver a phone book wrapped in plastic to my driveway and then let ten centimetres of snow bury the sucker so the only way I can find it is to dig it out with my snow shovel. To make matters worse, was I expecting a five hundred page phone book to be delivered? Um....NO!
So I moved around to the front door and dropped it on the front porch to pick up later after I finished wielding my snowshovel.
Later I flipped through the phone book to see if it was worth keeping. I laughed at the pages that are yellow (because I suppose they are not Yellow Pages)section for "Advertising - Newspapers" where one listing was Bradford West Guillimbury Topic. That would be "Gwilliumbury" with a "W" not a "U". What makes this funny is the newspaper in question is owned by Metroland who also owns Goldbook. How about ensuring the listing for your own newspaper is spelled correctly! It appears that the editing (proofreading a city name by Goldbook staff) and delivery (our world famous Liberal carrier) of Goldbook was a flop.
I noticed also that I'm getting the usual phone book from Bell & Yellowpages as well as the Goldbook phone book. Now for a question: when was the last time you used a phone book? Let alone two phone books? I will keep writing while you think about your answer...
So I wish to start the bidding at $5.00 for this valuable collectors item called a phonebook. It is one of a kind printed on newsprint with glossy cover featuring your very own gorilla portrait. All for $5.00 (you pick it up of course!). Please sign in the comments section of this post your name and your bid amount. I will review all bids at 12:39:39 P.M. Richmond Hill time on January 22nd for the highest bidder. I will shortly thereafter contact the winner...somehow. If there are no bidders, I will have a nice present for my recycling box (protect the environment...RECYCLE!)...so start your engines and put in your bid today!
Now for the answer to my question...when was the last time you used a phone book?
My answer: "Do I have more time? I need to think some more...fine I can't remember"
And you?....thought so...still thinking, but time is up...right you can't remember either.
So why not move the telephone book online? Wait, both Goldbook, Yellowpages and many other sites already provide search on their website. That is where I currently go for the latest listings for things I'm looking for and not the phone book in paper form.
If your a publisher of phone books (listen up Goldbook, Bell, Yellowpages, et al), I encourage your to discontinue printing vast amounts of paper that nobody really uses anymore. Welcome to the world of the internet, we all know you discovered this world as you have websites for your listings that people can search. Try keeping your listings there it will save you gobs of money in printing, shipping and customer service anger management fees (the last part from having thousands call the customer service phone number...if you can find it in the phone book...and having people call you about wasting paper). Plus you will be able to practice the first "R" in "REDUCE, Reuse, Recycle" and simply save a few thousand trees by recycling them. Oh right, you will also save thousands on recycling costs by simply not printing the books to have them come back to you from people who simply don't want them and want you to dispose of the trash you dropped on our doorsteps. Oh right, customers can't find the phone books because if everyone else got the same delivery as me, the phone books can be written off as "lost in the snow."